Audible Audio Edition
Listening Length: 4 hours and 21 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Audible Studios
Audible.com Release Date: August 31, 2015
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English
ASIN: B0145EYHPK
Best Sellers Rank: #8 in Books > Business & Money > Human Resources > Conflict Resolution & Mediation #35 in Books > Self-Help > Communication & Social Skills #109 in Books > Audible Audiobooks > Business & Investing > Leadership & Management
Some people know exactly how to be difficult; they're the people who bring you down with their negativity, criticism or anger, they refuse to cooperate, they're irritating, frustrating and often infuriating, and if you respond to someone else's difficult behaviour with anger and blame, withdrawal or compliance, you may end up feeling guilty, stressed or depressed, according to Gill Hasson in this book.After discussing the differences between openly hostile behaviour, disguised hostility and passive behaviour, the author goes on to discuss ways of communicating with difficult people, including:• Active listening, which minimises the likelihood of communication breakdown• Minimal encouragers, being sounds and body language which should be used calmly and in a neutral way• Questions about feelings, with the aim of developing some degree of empathy• Controlled use of body language• Using an appropriate degree of assertivenessAll of these actions require you to be able to control your own emotional response, something which is very difficult to do in a situation of open conflict. Moreover, as the author indicates numerous times, you need to be able to develop a high level of self-awareness, so that you can form an objective understanding of the extent to which you might be contributing to the conflict.The book seems to concentrate on how to deal with difficult relational situations when they arise, rather than preventing such situations in the first place by investing in relationship building. Nonetheless, in my opinion this reasonably short book provides a number of useful suggestions for dealing with the sorts of situations that everyone encounters but most people dread.
In How to Deal with Difficult People Gill Hasson presents various approaches to this problem. She begins by saying that difficult people are everywhere. A difficult person is someone who upsets you in any way. Difficult behavior occurs on a continuum. You can’t change someone’s behavior, what you can do is change how you respond to it.The book is divided into three parts. Part one provides the basics of how to deal with difficult people. Two types are those who are openly hostile and aggressive and those who are passively aggressive. How you respond depends on who it is, why they are being difficult, when they are being difficult, why they are being difficult and how you are feeling. You can respond by being resigned, indirectly confrontational and directly confrontational. Your expectations affect the situation and they are dependent on your values which may be different from the values of the other person. You should keep a “beginner’s mind” (do not judge the person from past experiences). You need to know how to listen. Active listening involves repeating, summarizing and paraphrasing. Non-verbal communication is also important.The basic approaches for dealing with difficult people include:1. Be assertive—identify and explain the problem2. Say how you feel—use “I” not “you.”3. Acknowledge your part in the situation.4. Say what you will and won’t do.5. Stand your ground.6. Negotiate and compromise.7. Identify solutions and consequences.8. Keep calm and rehearse what you will say and do.Part two covers what to do with specific kinds of difficult people including those who are directly hostile, indirectly hostile and passive. Specific examples are given. Part three covers dealing with “impossible” people and the advice there is to avoid them or minimize contact as much as possible.This book is quite useful, as all of us have to face problems with various people in our life.
I listened to this book on Audible three times and found it to be very helpful and down to earth. II has good advice on how to listen, how to respond in difficult situations and how to avoid not getting hooked into arguments. Jennifer
After reading "Managing difficult people" by Marilyn Pincus, this book seemed lack luster. If I had read if first maybe. It didn't really classify the behaviors or types of difficult people, as well as the other book did, nor did it give practical strategies, in my opinion, that you can use in the real world.
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