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So, What's Your Proposal?: Shifting High-Conflict People From Blaming To Problem-Solving In 30 Seconds!
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Complain! Complain! Complain! Have you ever dealt with high-conflict people who blame you or others for one problem after another without taking any responsibility themselves? Don’t you feel like wringing their necks?Instead, consider the simple method taught in this book for getting them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly focus on the future, take responsibility and contribute to finding solutions to problems – including those they created themselves or any problem.When people complain and blame you, you don’t need to defend yourself or get angry back. Just calmly say: “So, what’s your proposal?” and focus on teaching the simple 3-step method explained in this book. This method will help you stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you – even those who want to blame you!And blame is abundant these days! Every day dozens, if not hundreds, of people confront us at work, at the store, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, with the 24-hour news cycle, and with Twitter, Facebook and the Internet, we hear constantly about the worst behavior of other people and dozens of terrible problems. The strong temptation is to react and blame others back. However, this just feeds the problem.This book shifts the conversation from the past and blame, to the future and problem-solving. The book teaches a simple method which can be used by almost anyone. It will help the reader stay calm and confident, while also keeping the focus on solving problems, rather than blaming people.But it takes practice, which is why this book gives so many examples. The reader will earn the respect of those around him or her. We have seen it happen over and over again – many times in just 30 seconds.Another helpful tool to communicate effectively with high-conflict people is BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Hostile Email, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns, also by Bill Eddy.

Paperback: 150 pages

Publisher: Unhooked Books (September 16, 2014)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1936268620

ISBN-13: 978-1936268627

Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.4 x 8.4 inches

Shipping Weight: 0.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)

Best Sellers Rank: #232,769 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #70 in Books > Business & Money > Human Resources > Conflict Resolution & Mediation #309 in Books > Self-Help > Communication & Social Skills #821 in Books > Business & Money > Human Resources > Human Resources & Personnel Management

I will preface my review by saying I am a supporter of Bill Eddy and the High Conflict Institute's work. They provide ongoing, practical, easy-to-implement approaches to problem solving situations and challenging individuals.This book was one I wanted to have because you can never have enough approaches in interactions with resistant or aggressive people, with people who might have attack-dog personalities and behaviors.What I like is the how the book talks about brain science in a simple manner, then shows how you can redirect difficult people out of the negative, progress-inhibiting emotions and behavior into problem solving, encouraging their input, ideas and autonomy, which can lead to collaboration.So, what's your proposal is not some overly simplistic, impractical, and theory based. It's quite the opposite.In business or your personal life, it can be applied.The book reads easy, quick and makes you think.You will be happy with your return on investment (purchase price). I'm ready to start applying the thinking and techniques to become more effective and help highly emotional people learn new ways to help themselves solve their problems.

This approach to high conflict people is simple, direct and easy to implement in any relationship whether professional or in friendships. One does not need to have a PH.D. in order to have healthy communications and avoid the pitfalls of being in contact with high conflict individuals. Great and easy read.

I would recommend this book for anyone involved in a conflict or those in the helping professions dealing with conflict (lawyers, mediators, etc). Frankly, since we all will deal with conflict at one time or another, reading this book can benefit anyone navigating through life.As a mediator, this book was incredibly practical. It explained how to use specific questions (such as "So, What's Your Proposal?") to bring people to a place where they can solve problems. The author takes time to explain why these questions work.By the way, you can try out for yourself the question that is the title of the book. When someone complains about a problem of the past, ask them calmly, 'So, what's your proposal (or idea, or suggestion)? The book explains the whole process, but the question alone is valuable.Two more sections worth mentioning: 1) the strategies he suggested to keep calm during conflict, as he points out that defensive reacting is contagious, 2) the chapter explaining the concept of team-splitting- through telling a story of this happening in a community, he shows what it is (when a professional team splits in half and each side starts hating the other half) and what to do about it.I bought this book at a conference put on by the Heartland Mediators Association. I read the book within the week and have gone back to refer to it several times. A great addition to your library.

An effective book that provides practical advice accompanied by compelling and realistic examples. The author, a seasoned therapist turned attorney-mediator, lends credible insight to the dynamics behind high conflict situations. While the book is geared towards conflict resolution professionals, it will likely prove helpful to anyone who has ever or will ever encounter a high conflict personality, which is to say everyone. I just ordered another of Bill Eddy's books. I trust it will prove equally worthwhile.

Though I was reading this mainly to deal with co-parenting challenges, I found the other examples useful and helped to point out that many HCP (high conflict people) can be relatively high functioning.

HCP individuals abound. Good to get some solid practical advice from someone who has used it. Interesting insights into why these people get this way and how unaware of themselves and the consequences of their own behaviour.

The book is informative and easy to understand.

This should be a required reading by all family law mediators and parenting coordinators.

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